


i'm lucky i'm in love (with my best friend)

by browneyedgenius



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Philinda Feels, seasons 1-4 introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:08:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26182435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/browneyedgenius/pseuds/browneyedgenius
Summary: The truth is, he hadn't realized until now how lucky he is to be in love with Melinda May, his best friend.
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35





	i'm lucky i'm in love (with my best friend)

There was a strict anti-fraternization rule at SHIELD. Everyone knew that. Occasionally, there would be some young agents who would try to keep a relationship secret, but everyone knew they would be found out sooner or later. That was the excuse Coulson gave himself for not admitting his feelings for Melinda May. 

So their lives gradually grew apart. Melinda got married to Andrew, and Coulson's heart broke inside just a little. He went to her wedding, a wide smile concealing the inner turmoil of emotions he felt as he gave a toast to the newlyweds. 

Bahrain happened, and something broke inside of Melinda. She never told him what had happened inside that warehouse, and Coulson didn't pry. _Let the girl go,_ he had told her, but somehow he couldn't let Melinda go when she decided to transfer to administration. He had visited her every day he could, until he saw a tear falling down her cheek as she told him to leave her alone. 

He buried his love for Melinda under layers of missions, of paperwork, finally able to let it go when he met Audrey. The cellist was the opposite of Melinda, she was a civilian, she was outgoing, she couldn't throw a punch to save her life, yet they were _so similar_ , with their quietly comforting smiles, their kind gazes, their strong moral code. 

After his death and resurrection, he assembled a Mobile Command Unit, and the first person he thought of for his team was Melinda. When he went to administration for the first time in years, he was forcefully reminded of the full depth of his feelings for Melinda, everything he had tried to hide under years of mission reports and cello music. 

Things were wonderful for a while. They slowly became best friends again, instinctively trusting each other, building each other up when they fell down. Their team became more than a team, they became a family. 

Then Hydra happened. His carefully built career, his team, his _life,_ all fell apart. He pushed away Melinda, his only constant through all of this, his best friend. He regretted accusing her of working with the Clairvoyant, regretted bringing her back into the field at all. _But then where would she be?_ his subconscious reminded him. _At SHIELD headquarters where Hydra sleeper agents killed those loyal to SHIELD one by one?_

He was just lucky Melinda loved him enough to forgive him. 

She stayed by his side every night as he carved symbols he didn't know the meaning of into his wall, stayed by his side when he was fretting over rebuilding SHIELD from the ground up. She took over Skye's training, methodically fixing each of the mistakes Ward had ingrained into Skye. When his obsession with the alien city led to Trip's death, led to Skye developing powers she couldn't control, Melinda was the one who comforted the team, who told Skye that _It's okay, you won't hurt us, we won't care about you any less._

When the 'real SHIELD' took over, and Bobbi and Mack turned out to be spies, Melinda was the one who supported Fitz-Simmons, who defended his actions to Gonzalez and Weaver. 

The battle at Afterlife had extreme repercussions all across the world, but it was most evident in Skye, who now wanted to be known as Daisy. She had finally met her parents after searching for them her entire life, only to realize they weren't who she thought they would be. Coulson watched as Melinda shoved down the hurt she felt at Daisy fighting her to defend Jiaying, to comfort her as she sobbed about her mother and her father, and he fell in love with her just a little bit more. 

He was lucky he had a best friend who was so resilient.

He noticed when Melinda and Andrew gave their relationship another chance, and he shoved down his disappointment to support Melinda's decision to take a break from SHIELD. 

Then Jemma fell into the magic space rock and left Fitz alone. The entire team could feel how empty the base was without Jemma. Her exuberant enthusiasm for science was no longer present in the lab, leaving only the silent frustration of Fitz's failed attempts at finding her. 

Fitz finally found Jemma, against all odds, bringing her back from another planet. But Jemma was different. She didn't talk, barely ate. 

Even as she refused to talk to Andrew Garner, Melinda was preparing an extra portions of food in the kitchen, convincing Skye to give them to Jemma, making sure she remembered to eat. _You're more talkative than me,_ he heard her saying to Daisy. _You'll get through to her more easily._

She didn't know how easily her silent warmth could get through to people, didn't realize how just a word of encouragement from her could comfort anyone on the team. 

They realized too late that Lash was actually Andrew, and Coulson could only watch as Melinda sat outside Andrew's containment module with tears streaming down her face. 

He gave his relationship with Rosalind Price a chance, and found that she was actually incredibly kind and funny when she wasn't working. Things were pretty great until Ward killed her. Once again, Melinda ignored her own rushing emotions about Andrew and instead threw herself into trying to find Ward in order to help Coulson get revenge. 

He was lucky Melinda was so determined. 

He let his emotions cloud his judgement, and he killed Ward, rage blinding him. It was _his fault_ that Hive made it through the portal, that Daisy was under Hive's sway. Melinda stood with him through it all, reminding Coulson, _don't give up hope._ Together, they came up with the plan to send Lash to kill Hive. Coulson had been against it at first, saying that _Andrew might still be in there, are you sure you want to do this?_ Melinda told him resolutely that if Andrew were still in there, he would want them to do this. 

He was lucky Melinda was so selfless.

After Lincoln died to save the world's population from turning into Primitives, to finally kill Hive, Daisy turned into a shadow of her former self, no longer bright and optimistic. He tried to lift her spirits, but she ran, believing that wherever she went, death would follow. He relinquished his role of director to Jeffery Mace, hoping that he would do a better job. May disapproved, telling Coulson that _nobody could do better than him._

He was lucky Melinda believed in him so much. 

His heart broke once more when May was infected by Lucy Bauer, when she looked at him and saw a monster rather than her best friend. He refused to believe that there was no cure, instead handing her over to Radcliffe and Simmons to kill and bring back to life. 

When Coulson asked what she had seen when she died, it was out of curiosity. He didn't expect her answer to be that she saw _him._

Then Coulson, Fitz, and Robbie Reyes got stuck in another dimension, and the only way to bring them back was to read the Darkhold. He had explicitly told May that _that book is dangerous, whatever you do, don't read it,_ but she still found a way to use it to bring them back. 

He was lucky Melinda May wasn't one for playing by the rules. 

When Agent Koenig got captured, he brought Melinda and Daisy to find the Darkhold to keep it out of the hands of the Watchdogs. At the Labyrinth, Melinda had asked him, _Did you mean it when you said you were ready for whatever comes next?_ And he had agreed, and kissed her, but the truth was, he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to find out that the woman he had kissed, the woman he had shared a bottle of Haig with, was actually an LMD. 

When he knocks on the door of Agnes Kitsworth, he says to her, _Radcliffe took something from me as well. Her name is Melinda May, and she means everything to me._

And he means it. 

Because the truth is, he hadn't realized until now how lucky he is to be in love with Melinda May, his best friend. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.


End file.
